hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
