Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
