the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
