I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
