I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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