Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
