We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
