my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
