Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
