My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
