You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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