i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
