so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize