I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am available for nakedness
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
