Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
