I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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