Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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