I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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