im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
