Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Randomize
