this beer tastes like vomit already
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
