I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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