it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
