ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
