Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
