So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
