I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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