Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
