I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
