it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
