guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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