dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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