So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
