...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
