She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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