ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
