well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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