i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
