My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
