OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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