I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
