he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
