morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
