Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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