I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
