Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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