i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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