and you said cock pushups were impossible
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
