But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
