you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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