Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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