Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
