God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
