He passed out mid-signature
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The adults are the big ones right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
